Life will sometimes throws you a curveball, or maybe you’re in the habit of making bad decisions. Whatever is going on for you, the resident Irresistible consigliere, agony aunt, counsellor, and sage, Aunty Riz, is here.
She’s given advice to thousands over the years from all walks of life, and from all sides of the track. Currently in the Irresistible Office, everyone is lining up for her pearls of wisdom. We are literally having to drag the Astrologers off her. Whether you’re not sure how to get through your divorce, you don’t know where to park your yacht, or whether your funny rash needs attending to, Aunty Riz is the friend you’ve always wished you had.
No-one is sure how old she is (she defies normal definitions of ageing), or how many husband’s she’s had, but she’s never before opened an email (she’s had people to do that for her), and she definitely doesn’t need the work ($$$$$$$$$$$), so we are beyond thrilled that she has agreed to do the column. Even more extraordinarily, she’s agreed to have an email account.
dearauntyriz@irresistiblemagazine.com
This confidential, private- access, ultra- exclusive address will make sure your quandaries will be seen by Aunty Riz herself. She’ll be picking up messages in the office and on the go, whether she’s slam-dunking the young guns on the tennis circuit, hard-balling her property portfolio, or power-brokering the ladies-who-lunch lunches. She’ll leave voice memos for the Irresistible Back Office Team, who will carefully type up her answers.
If you want your question to be a bit more public, feel free to leave one in the comments at the end, and we’ll publish as many answers as we can. Remember, as Aunty Riz always says (she thinks she told John Lennon this one night in Studio 54, but it was a VERY BIG NIGHT, and she had Salvador Dali’s tongue in her ear), everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.
Dear Aunty Riz,
I started out in the late 70s, I suspect we’re of a similar vintage. My mentors were some of the biggest players in the world of Media and Advertising; in worked in Melbourne, London and LA. I successfully built my own company through the 80s and 90s and I’ve done very well, and I’m happy to say I’ve enjoyed myself along the way. I’ve provided for my family. My wife, who stopped working after our first child, has never wanted for anything, and I like to think I’ve helped the careers of the many guys who have worked for me. What I don’t get is why is there a need for diversity quotas in the first place. Why do we have to have all these Women in Media and Women in Tech awards, First Nation awards, everything under-the-sun special mentions. My office seems to be full of young women who have lost the value of taking care of a family. I understand why they want to have equal pay, but shouldn’t a young man who’s supporting a family get a bit more, just like a Hollywood male actor gets more than a female one. Everyone keeps talking about how they identify, and I don’t know what they’re talking about. My wife thinks I should retire, but I don’t think she wants me around too much at home, and in any case I don’t want to leave while the office culture isn’t right. When are we going to have a Men in Media award??
Yours, Concerned and Confused.
Dear Concerned and Confused,
Your wife is right, you should retire. Immediately. As a retirement gift, buy her a separate house. AR
Dear Aunty Riz,
My husband and I have been together for years. He has always spent a lot of time overseas and I have spent a lot of time thinking that I might as well be single on the long stretches he has been abroad, which has been hard, but I have managed, and if anything it’s given me a taste of what life would be like without him. The issue is, he has never taken great care of himself, and this is getting worse. He is very overweight and smokes and drinks excessively. Sex is impossible. He can’t even sit down on the ground. I have tried nagging, cajoling, shouting, crying, endless cooking, throwing his cigarettes away, begging doctors to give him medicines which he simply throws in the bin. Nothing makes him change, and it’s creates an unpleasantness between us which is affecting all aspects of our lives. I worry he’s going to drop down dead and I don’t know what to do to make him change.
Yours, Worried and Wed.
Dear Worried and Wed,
This exact same thing happened to one of my oldest friends, Barbara. She has the most beautiful house in Barbados, we are there ALL the time. Anyway, what do you think insurance is for? Barbara started making enormous payments into her husband’s life insurance from the joint account when she realised there was no point fighting the problem anymore. They never discussed it. They had a silent understanding that he could do what he wanted and she would stop nagging, as long as the money kept flowing. They stopped arguing. Everyone commented on how happy they were, like newlyweds skipping down the street. I think they even started having sex. He told me once at that time he was as happy as he’d ever been, and I think he was, until he dropped down dead trying to get out of his own car in a very tight parking spot in the shopping centre. Still, he went doing what he loved when he went- grocery shopping- well on the way to grocery shopping. You really can’t change anyone, dear, even your husband. You might as well get ready for the afterlife. I can’t tell you how much fun Barbara is having or how far quite a lot of life insurance gets you over in Barbados. I’ll send you her real estate agent’s details. It will make you feel better. AR
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