Dear Aunty Riz,
I am a 28 year old single woman and have recently been exploring breathwork. Do you know what that is? It’s like Yoga pranayama breathing except you can cry and wail and make all sorts of sounds while releasing your traumas. So it’s a technique where you use the breath to release trapped emotions, toxins, and stress from your body.
It is a bit of a thing where I live, and I went to a group session quite near the beach which I thought would be good for my chakras. As far as I understand, you can make all sorts of noises, and I don’t consider myself a noisy person. I went to my first session and thought they were maybe a bit too tie-dye even for me, but I quite liked them and certainly there was lots of moaning and groaning. I did feel some kind of release as well I think. I went to book my next class online and the teacher called me to “give me some feedback.” She said I may be better suited to a private session as there were participants who felt “uncomfortable” that I was breathing too loud? I was breath shamed!! In a breath class by a breath teacher, My friend told me there must be something wrong with my energy channels. I feel like I need to find another breath class just to process this new trauma. What should I do?
Yours,
Huffed, puffed and not chuffed
Dear Huffed, puffed and not chuffed,
You are quite right to realise that you do need some kind of release. You sound very tense and a bit desperate. In my day we also used moaning and groaning as a way to rid ourselves of our demons, but we called it shagging. On Clive’s good days I do still find it a very useful tonic. If you really can’t find anyone else, hang around near the breath class you’ve been barred from and offer to take someone round the back of the surf club to work on your chakras there. I guarantee you’ll get a taker, Those breath work classes aren’t cheap. AR
Dear Aunty Riz,
I’m a young man in my late 20s with certain expectations from my family to get on with things. I also see it in the eyes of women my age. Long term commitment is in the back of everyone’s mind. I don’t mind the idea of getting married, but I’m terrified of making a mistake, getting divorced. and ending up in a mess. I’m so paralysed by my own fears that I can’t even date anymore and realise I am increasing the chance of making a mistake by turning into a recluse/ weirdo. What should I do next?
Yours,
Single and can’t Mingle
Dear Single and can’t Mingle,
You are quite right to realise that the chance of you getting divorced is extremely high. Not only it is more likely statistically to happen to someone of your age than not, you are, as you say, turning into a bit of a freak. Don’t forget that lots of people used to stay married in lots of awful situations which was no good for anybody. I’ve been very lucky with all my husbands and I’ve enjoyed getting divorced nearly as much as getting married. Just get over it and assume it’s going to happen. Oddly enough, a good way to choose a partner is in fact how you think a divorce with them would go. If you know it would be a nightmare, what you actually seeing is your nightmare marriage which if you’re lucky will end in divorce. The sooner you get married the sooner, you can meet your next future ex-wife. AR
